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Divorce Your Partner, Not Your Kids!!

Therefore, they have no way of dealing with these emotions. As a parent, it is imperative that you provide your love and support to your child during this tough time.

Parenting after Divorce

Divorce can change your life forever. Most people experience pangs of loneliness, bitterness towards their partner and marriage, and change of lifestyle. While it is important to give yourself the time to heal, the healing time should not be a reason to stay away from your children after divorce.

Whether you are the custodial parent or the non-custodial parent, it is imperative to spend quality time with your children after the divorce. You and your ex-spouse should discuss amicably about the best possible way to do so. It is important for you to remember that children need both the parents to mature into emotionally healthy adults.

Your bitterness towards your ex-spouse and your marriage may be justified, but if you are keeping the children away from your ex-spouse out of spite or revenge, it is bound to affect your children adversely. In fact, both the parents should keep their bitterness and issues aside when it comes to children.

Is it fair to embroil innocent children for no fault of theirs? Your child is bound to feel a lot of anxiety and worry about his or her future. In most cases, a feeling of abandonment engulfs a child’s mind. Therefore, you and your ex-spouse should ensure that the children appreciate the fact that a divorce may have brought about certain changes in their life, but the fact that their parents love and care about them will remain constant.

How Can Parents Avoid the Emotional and Physical Distance Between Them and Their Children?

Children are bound to feel anger, frustration, and helplessness after the divorce. It is very natural for them to feel uncomfortable or angry about the change of home, lifestyle, and losing one parent. Therefore, it is important for both the parents to keep the channels of communication open all the time.

You would need to ensure that your child does not feel alienated at any point in time. Often children display signs of introversion or anxiety because they feel that since one of the parents has left them, the other one might leave too. Therefore, it is extremely important for you and your ex-spouse to sit together with the children and explain to them that divorce is not their fault.

Children are bound to have a lot of questions. You will need to ensure that you answer the questions in a way that does not put hurt them. It is natural for your children to distance themselves from you. However, it is not because they do not want to talk to you. Children have a tough time expressing their emotions during such a tough time. Therefore, they may not know how to react and distancing themselves may be one of their defence mechanisms.

Your child may say things like ‘I hate you’ or ‘I do not love you anymore’. However, you will need to understand that your child is merely angry and venting out his or her frustrations by saying such things. You will need to reinstate the fact that you will continue to love him or her no matter what.

How Can Parents ensure that the Family does not Disintegrate With Time?

There are times when no amount of communication can get your message across to the child because of the emotional and physical alienation. In such cases, it would best for your and your child to seek the help of professional psychotherapist. Psychotherapists can help moderate the conversations between you and your child and the child may be able to be more expressive about his or her feelings with the help of the techniques used. You can schedule regular and frequent visits to meet your children if you are a non-custodial parent. If you are a custodial parent, never alienate the non-custodial parent from your child’s life. In fact, support the non-custodial parent’s attempts to spend more time with the children.

How to Strengthen the Emotional Bond with your Children

If you are the custodial parent, it will be tough for you to assume the role of a single parent after divorce. You will have to be the disciplinarian as well as the one who provides constant love to the children. Therefore, your role is bound to be somewhat tricky.
Children love to talk about their lives. Therefore, make sure that you talk to them everyday about what is happening at their school, with their friends etc. Schedule weekend getaways with your children so that they can feel relaxed and have some fun. The getaways need not be expensive. Even a small biking trip in the woods can do the trick.

If you are the non-custodial parent, you will have to ensure that the child feels comfortable with the new living arrangement. Make attempts to familiarise your children with your new home and ensure that you communicate a lot during these visits. Try to spend as much time with children in your new home rather than taking them out every time they visit you. Taking them out will make them feel more distracted and you may not get a chance to have a heart-to-heart conversation with them. Instead, cook a meal together with your children at home or play with your child in the backyard.