Search:

Divorce and Children

There is a noticeable difference between children who grow up in a secure home with both parents around and children who grow up in broken homes.

There are cases when more than one child is involved and they are split between the parents. This is a great strain for them as breaking up leads to a great feeling of insecurity. The family that was once together is suddenly gone and they feel abandoned suddenly. There is a huge emotional void in them. They don’t know whom to turn to for support and are suddenly taken away from their loved ones.

Reactions in different children

There are different ways in which different children react when their family is suddenly broken. Most children end up being school dropouts. Their academic performance declines. They find it difficult to concentrate on their studies because of the emotional strain. They start smoking, drinking and even using drugs. Their sexual activities also start early. They turn and try to seek refuge anywhere they can. Thus, teenage pregnancies become common among such children. They also tend to get married at an early age (when they cannot discern between good and bad) and subsequently end up in broken marriages themselves.

In extreme cases, where they see a lot of violence at home, they tend to become delinquent. They get very aggressive and finally turn out to be anti-social elements. This can be usually seen in boys who see a lot of confidence by one parent. This puts them in a big fix as they are torn between their parents. They don’t know what to do. Parents must realize that no matter how mature the child appears to be, he/she is still a child and cannot take the emotional burden of his/her parent.

Some children become extremely quiet and withdrawn. It may seem as if everything is OK on the outside, but the child maybe going through a lot of emotional turmoil inside and everything is kept bottled up. This subsequently leads to a lot of health problems.

It’s up to the parents to make sure that their child is OK. They are so caught up in their own affairs that they tend to ignore the child, who is already feeling insecure. Because of this, a lot of children feel that they might be the cause for their parent’s divorce. They feel dejected and rejected by the one who leaves. Children long for normalcy to return in their lives. They long to live in a normal home, a normal family with both parents.

Parents need to make sure that no matter what differences they have, when it comes to their children, they need to maintain a cordial relationship. They need to keep reassuring their children that they still love them and that they can be approached for anything they feel like talking about. They need to continue their usual routine where their children are concerned. If they are in the habit of taking them out on a drive once in a week, they need to do the same even after divorce.

Grandparents

Grandparents also play an important role where children are concerned. They must be careful not to say anything negative about their son-in-law/daughter-in-law. The child will be hurt in this case. They also need to take care that the child doesn’t feel neglected. The parents will be busy with their divorce proceedings and their new lives. They will have their own emotional stress and might find it difficult to make time for their children initially. The grandparents need to come in here to make sure that the child is taken care of physically and emotionally.

Pets

Children become very attached to their pets; even more so when they are troubled or upset about something. When parents divorce, they need to make sure that the pets go with the children. The children are already going through emotional stress. They will feel even more hurt if their pet is taken away from them.

Nesting

This is a concept that is just becoming popular. In this case, the children remain in the marital home and each parent takes turns in staying with them. There are many disadvantages in the same. The children become insecure and unstable when their home is suddenly broken. This concept is supposed to be a solution for the same. The effectiveness of the same, though, is yet to be seen.

In fact, there seem to be more disadvantages to this concept. It is yet to be seen how children will feel when their parents take turns living with them.

It is up to the parents to make sure that their children remain don’t get affected too much because of their divorce. Of course, the emotional strain is unavoidable, but can be minimized. Parents need to be aware that children tend to get most affected in a divorce as their whole set up and security of a happy family is shattered. Children need to be told that their parents will be getting divorced and also the arrangements to follow also need to be clearly explained to them. Parents also need to take care that the usual routine of the children remain unaffected so that they don’t feel the strain much.

When things go smoothly for them even after their parents divorce, children tend to look at life with a more positive outlook and learn to make the best out of difficult situations. They learn how to handle difficult situations. Thus, the negative effect of divorce can be minimized and it is the hands of the parents to do so.